Monday, November 7, 2011

Conflict Resolution: Can’t We All Just Get Along?

One of the most cliché answers to the Miss America Pageant’s final wish question is world peace. Of course, this is something that is most likely never going to happen. The reason, simply put, is that it is in or nature as human beings to create conflict. Conflict is what makes our world go around. It is imbedded in our genetics, and plays a major role in the development of not only our relationships, but our species as a whole. If you were to ask anyone what conflict and everything that related to it was, your head would probably overload with the massive amounts of information it would take in. That being said, the purpose of this paper is to discuss only five aspects of conflict in detail, as well as provide my own personal experiences and “best practices” to conflict resolution. The five areas that will be discussed are why conflict occurs, the positive and negative effects of it, communication techniques in conflict, ethics and workplace conflict, and the mediation and arbitration of conflicts. As the saying goes, let us start from the beginning.

Most people have the want and need to proceed through life in a peaceful and prosperous manner. Unfortunately, this is a dream that no person is able to accomplish entirely. Each and every one of us has a different personality and sometimes these unique personalities and attributes tend to clash with one another. This is where conflict is born. Conflict can be defined as a state where people with different ideas, interests, goals, and so on come into a disagreement or controversy over those differences (Collins, n.d.). This is something that we all experience frequently in both our personal and professional lives. Even though conflict occurs in both of these worlds that we live in, the causes of each differ from one to the next.

The conflicts we experience in our personal lives tend to effect us on a different level than those in our professional ones. For many of us, once we leave the workplace those conflicts that took place there are left behind, and forgotten until we have to return the following day. This is not the case in our personal conflicts, however. The personal conflicts we go through put us into more stressful and tense states of mind, not only affecting us but those around us. This is because of what the conflicts stem from. Most people surround themselves with others that have similar interests and personalities as them. This is usually because they want to avoid having conflicting ones with people they hold relationships with. Unfortunately, everyone makes mistakes and when the people we involve ourselves with hurt us, conflicts arise. These can happen due to infidelity, breech of trust, or just a minor disagreement that gets blown out of proportion. Another common reason is because our hot buttons are pushed. In order to resolve these conflicts properly, you have to know what your hot buttons are so you can separate your emotions from your behavior (Cartwright, 2003). When these conflicts happen, we dwell on them a lot more than we would with conflicts that occur at our jobs.

Conflict in the workplace, although not as prevalent as in our personal lives, takes place frequently. The cause can be for many different reasons. Common reasons are competition, the need to be in control, and personal values and beliefs. Of course, not everyone in the workplace is going to have the exactly the same views as these, and that is how the conflict arises. Competition is needed, and sometimes encouraged in certain workplaces. Take the field of sales, for example. Some managers want their salespeople to have a strong sense of competitiveness with fellow employees. They feel that this leads to them being more productive, and taking more pride in their work. The downside to this is it can lead to disagreements and conflicts between the people in the sales department. This type of workplace environment can best be compared to a shark feeding frenzy. I know this because I have personally worked in an environment like this one. While I agree that competition can be a healthy thing on some levels, I do not feel that the conflicts it can lead to is worth it in the end. Conflict, however, is not always just a negative thing.

Being involved in a conflict is not something most people would refer to as a positive situation. This is because, in most cases, it is not. Conflict tends to have more negative effects than positive ones. It can damage relationships, or even ruin them permanently. This is especially true in the workplace. It causes tension between those involved, and causes a stressful environment that is not a healthy one to work in. Tension and stress disrupts productivity because those in conflict may concentrate all of their attention on the conflict. Sometimes, if the conflict is not resolved properly, it leads to an even more negative environment. However, the resolutions and solutions that come out of conflict are not always negative. If the conflict is resolved, and all parties involved are satisfied with the solution that was reached, it can strengthen the relationship between them. This is true for conflict in both personal and professional lives. Conflict in a personal relationship can bring them closer together, with a better understanding of one another’s feelings and opinions. Conflict in a professional relationship, especially when pertaining to accomplishing a similar goal, can bring about a better thinking process and lead to a better outcome than if the conflict had never occurred (Cartwright, 2003). Of course, a satisfactory conflict resolution cannot take place without proper communication.

Communication is the key to any conflict resolution. Entering conflict negotiations with the proper communication techniques is vital to reaching a positive outcome that causes all parties involved to leave satisfied. The first of these techniques is called stop, think, listen, and communicate, also known as STLC (Abigail & Cahn, 2011). These are four steps that, if used properly, will lead to an effective resolution. The first step is to stop. This step, simply put, is to calm down and allow you some time to “cool off” before saying something that could cause more harm than good. The second step is to think. This is the point where you should ponder the conflict from both sides, take into consideration the other person’s views, as well as your own. You should also think about how you plan to find a positive resolution that will be accepted by your counterpart. The third step is to listen. Listening is extremely important when attempting to solve conflicts. A person’s willingness and ability to process, understand, and attend to the verbal and non-verbal messages of another person is what makes communication and conflict resolution possible (Cowan, 2003). In order for you to choose the best way to get your opinion across, you have to listen carefully to what the opposition’s views, opinions, and reasons for the conflict are, and take care not to force them into a defensive position. When a person becomes defensive, they tend to retreat within themselves which makes the
negotiation process much more difficult. The final step is communication, which is what this entire technique is for. The previous steps are all in place to help you progress to an effective communication tactic, which will lead to a better outcome.

Communication in finding solutions to conflict relies on positively expressing your emotions. In order to do this you must explain the reasons for your feelings, choose your words carefully, act courteously and professionally, refrain from blame casting, and take responsibility for your role in the conflict (Cartwright, 2003). Also, it is always important to remember that you are not the only one with concerns and interests in the conflict. If this were the case, there would never have been any conflict in the first place. You have to remember that you are not there to “run the show.” It is best to avoid only talking about your own solution to the conflict, and allow the other person involved to express his or hers (Dana, 2000). In the end, proper communication can solve almost any conflict, even the more difficult ones.

Some of the most difficult conflicts to experience are those that deal with ethics in the workplace. Most people have a good understanding of what is right and wrong, but the paths we choose to take are not always the most ethical. The decisions we make in the workplace may not only impact us, but others as well. This is where the conflict arises. Making the right decisions and leading an ethical professional life is important. You should always be honest and take fellow employees’ differences to heart, accepting them for who they are and what their values are. Doing this is important in the prevention of ethical dilemmas. Ethical dilemmas do not always occur because of choice you are making. Sometimes it is a close friend of yours in the workplace that may be thinking about doing something unethical. For example, if a friend is planning to “borrow” some money out of the register, and they have a history of doing this, it is up to you to try to dissuade them from choosing that path again. Sometimes, it only takes one person to be the powerful force against negative long-term habits (Caroselli, 2003). The influence we can have over fellow coworkers, especially if there is a relationship present, is a powerful tool in prevention of unethical behavior. Once the people involved in the conflict both realize that the ethical route is the only one that does not negatively affect anyone, the conflict is solved. There are times, however, when a solution cannot be determined only by those directly involved in the conflict.

Sometimes two people in conflict are unable to determine a resolution on their own. This is when mediation and arbitration becomes useful. Mediation and Arbitration is a good way of resolving conflicts for people that are not able to do it themselves. The mediator in any conflict resolution process should be one who has no interests in either side’s concerns, acts only as a facilitator of communication between the conflicting parties, and helps lead them to a consensual decision on the solution (Roberts, 2007). While mediation is a means of assisting those in conflict to make a decision on a solution themselves, arbitration is a means of doing so on a solution for them. In order for both processes to be successful, they have to first discover the cause of conflict and take information for all parties involved. The best way to do this is by listening and giving everyone your full attention. Giving those involved an open and safe environment to speak their minds, and asking appropriate and encouraging questions in a fair and equal manner is important to the success of mediation (Doherty & Guyler, 2008). . Both mediation and arbitration can be very effective, but one might have more of a positive outcome in the conflict than the other.

Mediation is a way of simplifying the communication between the conflicting parties, but still allowing them to reach a final decision that works best for both of them. When this is the case, the solution is more of a compromise, and has the best chance of ending with both involved in the conflict walking away satisfied. Arbitration, on the other hand, takes all the power out of the hands of those who have interests in the final decision. When this happens, the solution may not satisfy both parties involved, and can lead to one side being much more disgruntled than the other. A drawback to mediation is that it can lead to agreements between the conflicting parties that do not completely resolve the conflict, but only suppress and settle them, resulting in further anger and disconnect between those involved (Cloke, 2001). Mutual satisfaction in the resolution of the conflict is a must, and plays a key role in all parties involved learning from their experiences in it. To learn from the conflict is to take precautions in preventing it from happening again with those involved, or anyone else in the future. While it is always nice to be able to solve conflicts on our own, it is sometimes better to get a little help to “nudge” us along.

In my experiences with conflict, I find it is always best to communicate efficiently with everyone involved. The “best practices” are to listen to all sides, be receptive and understanding, and show respect and enthusiasm in finding a solution that satisfies both sides in the conflict. It is best to try to work the issues out smoothly, and save any relationships that are in place. Preservation of those relationships is what will help prevent the conflict from happening again, and lead to a more open and healthier environment for everyone. After all, everyone needs and wants the respect of others, and does not mind returning the favor when it is deserved.

Conflict plays a major role in the lives of every person on the face of this earth. Although it can be a stressful situation to experience, it is embedded in our genetics, and is important in the development of our relationships with others. The subject of conflict is a very large one, which is why the purpose of this paper was to only address five aspects of it. Why conflict occurs, the positive and negative effects of it, communication techniques involved, ethics and workplace conflict, and mediation and arbitration are all factors in the big picture that is conflict. At the end of the day, we all make mistakes. The important thing is that we settle our differences, find peace with one another, and learn from those mistakes that lead to the conflicts in the first place. We are all blessed to be on this planet, and to dwell on our differences is only to waste the short time we have together.

Cahn, D.D., & Abigail, R.A. (2007). Managing conflict through communication (4th ed.). Boston, MA.

Caroselli, M. (2002). Business Ethics Activity Book: 50 Exercises for Promoting Integrity at Work. Retrieved from http://site.ebrary.com/lib/ashford/search.action?p00=ethical+dilemmas+in+the+workplace&search=Search+ebrary

Cartwright, T. (2003). Managing Conflict With Peers. Center for Creative Leadership. Retrieved from http://site.ebrary.com/lib/ashford/docDetail.action?docID=10185430&p00=managing%20conflict

Cloke, K. (2001). Mediating Dangerously: The Frontiers of Conflict Resolution. John Wiley & Sons. Retrieved from http://site.ebrary.com/lib/ashford/docDetail.action?docID=10001722&p00=mediation%20conflict

conflict. (n.d.). Collins English Dictionary - Complete & Unabridged 10th Edition. Retrieved May 16, 2011, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/conflict

Cowan, D. (2003). Taking Charge of Organizational Conflicts: A Guide To Managing Anger and Confrontation. Personhood Press. Retrieved from http://site.ebrary.com/lib/ashford/docDetail.action?docID=10292292&p00=taking%20charge%20organizational

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